How to be a Kenyan and not pride in it.

Firstly, when you want to travel using public means, you don’t need to bother whether the bus or matatu you are traveling in is full. You just need to squeeze yourself in it since the conductor has convinced you that some passengers will be alighting at the next bus stop to create a space for you.Once,in you need not be concerned how dangerously the vehicle is being driven.Afterall,the other passengers are silent and you don’t want to start a verbal exchange with the crew.
Secondly, when you get enough money to construct a storey building, you need to realize that there is something called time value of money. Money earned today will be of more value tomorrow. Bearing this in mind, you need to bribe the relevant authorities to hasten the process of construction. With their blessings, your building will be constructed in a record speed without paying attention to the basics of buildings. When an “accident” happens and the building tumbles down like house of cards—killing and maiming tens of innocent youths—you blame your architecture and contractors.
Thirdly, if you are minding your own business near a major highway and a 22-wheel tanker loses its break and tip over at your vicinity, you immediately fetch empty containers for a windfall. Oblivious of the danger, you need to gather as much as you can to sell the loot at half-price at a future date. If anyone reminds you about an accident that happened in a place called Sachagwan that claimed more than a hundred people, you just tell him or her that someone is taking care of smokers.
Fourthly, if you are lucky enough to be employed by the Government, you never bother to check whether your salary has been credited at the end of the month. Why should you when you can make a lot more through dubious deals? You should look for ways to pay ghost workers; embezzle funds meant for crucial projects; overprice invoices and initiate elephant projects.
Last but not the least, you need to quench you thirst. You need to realize that work without play makes jack a dull boy. Since you don’t have enough money to buy a bottled beer, you need to realize that there are things called substitutes in economics. They are things that serve the same purpose for a specific need(s).Like tea and coffee. Bearing that in mind, you need to pop in Mama Pima’s den to down a few glasses of cheap but lethal demon drinks. Only after your sight has been lost will you realize that it have been wiser to be a teetotaler.

James Mwangi Kanyi,

Nairobi